You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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