dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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