Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
