She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My liver just broke up with me...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
