I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
