i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
