You're my little dorito
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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