Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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