hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
