he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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