11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
