I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
