he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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