I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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