nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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