hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
