tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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