i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
