just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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