Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
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I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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