You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
