you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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