The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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