I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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