you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
