Soap is not a condiment
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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