How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
