drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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