Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
