Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she peed on how many people?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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