We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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