i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
