I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
