I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
