grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
