Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
