i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
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