Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
