I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He did a backflip because drugs
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
