Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
