Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
