he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
