just tell him i said nine months
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...