who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.