i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door