he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.