I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
so let's talk penis.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY