Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
