Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
