we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
