I got chris browned last night
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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