i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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