she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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