Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I need water and some morals
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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