Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
