Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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