Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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