sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
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I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
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Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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