How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
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On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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