Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
