All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
