he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
