Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
