no, he came in my armpit
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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