Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
