I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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